Cybercabin Diary--Themes Outline
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[1] Immediate reasons for my escape
"The word of the LORD came to Jonah...but Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish."
(Jonah 1:1,3, NIV)
[1.1] Generalized stress and worry
(e.g.; overload, burning out)
[1.1.1] From external environment, circumstance and experiences
[1.1.1.1] Chaotic surroundings, noise and commotion can become critically irritating
8 August 1997 --
Arrival from the world of agitation
13 November 1997 --
Voices arising from the silence
17 January 1998 --
A frantic search for peace
20 October 1998 --
Settling in for the night
14 July 1999 --
A decision between two extremes
26 September 1999 --
Questioning my isolation
3 October 2001 --
A certain small relief
[1.1.1.2] Problems will grow in number and apparent size and become less tolerable over time
6 October 1997 --
The experience of my surroundings
10 October 1997 --
Worn out by worrying
3 May 1998 --
Surveying the damage
14 August 1998 --
Another retreat to the summit
[1.1.2] From social expenditures
[1.1.2.1] Dealing with the mere presence of others can impose stress
[1.1.2.1.1] People can sometimes appear to "get in the way", to be avoided as dangerous obstacles
[1.1.2.1.1.1] Difficulties in socialization keep true human virtue from being perceived
10 August 1998 --
Avoiding the confrontations
11 December 1998 --
Stepping out of the way
31 May 1999 --
Comfortably gazing upon the entire forest
5 April 2000 --
An escape from discomfort
25 September 2001 --
My personal arena is filled
6 March 2002 --
A pose of minimal exposure
7 September 2002 --
The predicament of the individual
[1.1.2.1.1.2] Conditioning, deeply ingrained, can cause a difficult-to-control initial response
26 September 1998 --
Staying clear of the fray
14 April 1999 --
Comfortably enclosed, out in the open
15 February 2000 --
The principle of peace
14 June 2001 --
A place with plenty of room
17 July 2003 --
Yearning to have the illusion
[1.1.2.1.2] Those resistant to socialization cannot fully appreciate and cooperate with the crowds around them
[1.1.2.1.2.1] The whole interpersonal endeavor appears too formidable; barriers to entry exist
[1.1.2.1.2.1.1] Excessive vigilance and distorted perceptions arise from having been out of action
23 September 1997 --
Taking a break to reduce sensitivity
7 June 1999 --
Staying out to see the stars
11 October 1999 --
Taking in the colors
14 August 2000 --
Listening to the same old sounds
24 February 2001 --
Appreciation of an insulated space
14 December 2001 --
A singular and empty silence
14 September 2002 --
That barren internal expanse
24 May 2003 --
A challenge, in the space beyond
5 August 2003 --
Approximations to the promised abode
[1.1.2.1.2.1.2] An adaptive acceptance of the isolated state develops, so as to feel secure
30 April 1999 --
An adequate subsistence after dark
1 January 2000 --
The life I live best
16 March 2000 --
A time for endurance
19 September 2000 --
Descent into darkness
25 January 2001 --
The weight of emptiness
23 March 2001 --
A most sufficient setting
26 June 2001 --
Options for a tired man
23 October 2001 --
Consolation in the silence
26 February 2002 --
The arrival of a change
1 August 2002 --
Revelling in the emptiness
21 December 2002 --
These curious communities
24 November 2003 --
The quest towards the higher
[1.1.2.1.2.2] There is a soothing peace in moments of solitude when joining in seems so hard
[1.1.2.1.2.2.1] The struggle can cause such exhaustion and discouragement that time alone is the preferred option
23 February 1998 --
Temporarily poor in spirit
15 November 1999 --
Free of ties that bind
6 May 2000 --
Just being myself today
23 June 2000 --
Settling for the predictable
20 March 2001 --
Laboring to be still
20 July 2001 --
A minimum of contact
1 August 2001 --
A separate and empty place
9 September 2001 --
Only an approximation
31 October 2001 --
An evaluation while at rest
27 December 2001 --
Efforts toward the illusion
24 June 2002 --
Getting what I can
25 November 2002 --
Opting to lay low for now
23 April 2003 --
A simple pursuit of rest
17 January 2004 --
The reality of the incorporated
[1.1.2.1.2.2.2] Staying hidden is often a deliberate personal choice, one demanding accountability
4 April 1998 --
A rainy day indoors
23 August 1999 --
A vast and open space within
25 October 2000 --
A featureless fantasy
28 December 2000 --
A predictably stable shelter
16 February 2001 --
Further success in my concealment
29 May 2001 --
The provisions of my hideaway
7 July 2003 --
An ungainly personal mechanism
30 December 2003 --
A vigilant sleepiness
[1.1.2.2] There are varying degrees of predisposition and capability to seek and endure social contact
[1.1.2.2.1] Excessive sensitivity to pain and failure, both real and imagined, can be a deterrent
[1.1.2.2.1.1] This does not appear to be a critical weakness to the greater bulk of society
28 June 1998 --
The mystery of the "normal"
3 September 1998 --
Behind the defenses, peering out
11 June 1999 --
Shielded in the darkness of the valley
27 October 1999 --
Cutting my losses
21 August 2001 --
Working within limitations
22 April 2002 --
An assessment of endowment
[1.1.2.2.1.2] Certain concessions must be made in the interest of one's survival and mental health
10 February 1998 --
Maintaining the exterior
16 August 1999 --
Gazing down familiar pathways
12 January 2000 --
Establishing some controls
30 August 2000 --
An absence of immediate plans
[1.1.2.2.2] Social participation can be an inefficient, costly effort, with low apparent return on investment
4 June 1998 --
Looking myself over
19 July 1998 --
An end to trying, for today
9 November 1998 --
Trying to appreciate the ordinary
17 January 1999 --
Too bright to look outside
8 November 1999 --
No more work for today
21 December 1999 --
Preferences in comfort
28 September 2002 --
Designs and their limits
[1.2] Change is far too continuous
30 September 1997 --
The stream continues to flow past
3 November 1997 --
The snow quietly falls
31 March 1998 --
Familiar surroundings
12 June 1998 --
Appreciating "nothing to do"
[1.3] Continuous fear and vigilance over unseen and imagined problems
[1.3.1] The fear is recognizable, for the most part, as illusory and misplaced, yet not entirely dismissed
1 December 1997 --
Problems laying in wait
13 November 1998 --
Letting things come to rest
15 December 1998 --
Deciding at last to let go
26 June 1999 --
A careful journey, over the ridge
2 May 2000 --
A time amid the overgrowth
15 November 2000 --
A single, resourceful adversary
6 June 2001 --
That tiresome single circuit
16 November 2001 --
An unremarkable moment
[1.3.2] Eventually, the thoughts of danger become too much, and escape is the stopgap cure
[1.3.2.1] A certain quantity of such time alone need not, in itself, be bad (e.g., "charging one's batteries")
20 June 1998 --
An oppressive environment
2 August 1999 --
Another idle moment
23 October 1999 --
That ever-present voice
26 August 2000 --
The work of being idle
27 November 2000 --
A deliberate entry into darkness
17 December 2000 --
Reality's necessary counterpart
20 February 2001 --
Accomplishment in the silence
19 June 2002 --
Activity in the worlds within
30 November 2002 --
There is but one man here
[1.3.2.2] Even those city-dwellers who are not "weak" must accept some amount of stress and anguish
21 August 1997 --
On guard against the unknown
22 March 1999 --
Trying my best to be still
5 December 1999 --
The hazards that lie ahead
6 July 2000 --
A temporary excess of concern