[1] Immediate reasons for my escape

• [1.1] Generalized stress and worry (e.g.; overload, burning out)

• [1.1.1] From external environment, circumstance and experiences

 
• [1.1.1.1] Chaotic surroundings, noise and commotion can become critically irritating

 
8 August 1997 -- Arrival from the world of agitation
13 November 1997 -- Voices arising from the silence
17 January 1998 -- A frantic search for peace
20 October 1998 -- Settling in for the night
14 July 1999 -- A decision between two extremes
26 September 1999 -- Questioning my isolation
3 October 2001 -- A certain small relief
 
• [1.1.1.2] Problems will grow in number and apparent size and become less tolerable over time
 
6 October 1997 -- The experience of my surroundings
10 October 1997 -- Worn out by worrying
3 May 1998 -- Surveying the damage
14 August 1998 -- Another retreat to the summit
 
• [1.1.2] From social expenditures

 
• [1.1.2.1] Dealing with the mere presence of others can impose stress
 
• [1.1.2.1.1]  People can sometimes appear to "get in the way", to be avoided as dangerous obstacles

 
• [1.1.2.1.1.1] Difficulties in socialization keep true human virtue from being perceived

 
10 August 1998 -- Avoiding the confrontations
11 December 1998 -- Stepping out of the way
31 May 1999 --  Comfortably gazing upon the entire forest
5 April 2000 -- An escape from discomfort
25 September 2001 -- My personal arena is filled
6 March 2002 -- A pose of minimal exposure
7 September 2002 -- The predicament of the individual
 
• [1.1.2.1.1.2] Conditioning, deeply ingrained, can cause a difficult-to-control initial response

 
26 September 1998 -- Staying clear of the fray
14 April 1999 -- Comfortably enclosed, out in the open
15 February 2000 -- The principle of peace
14 June 2001 -- A place with plenty of room
17 July 2003 -- Yearning to have the illusion
 
• [1.1.2.1.2] Those resistant to socialization cannot fully appreciate and cooperate with the crowds around them
 
• [1.1.2.1.2.1] The whole interpersonal endeavor appears too formidable; barriers to entry exist
 
• [1.1.2.1.2.1.1] Excessive vigilance and distorted perceptions arise from having been out of action

 
23 September 1997 -- Taking a break to reduce sensitivity
7 June 1999 -- Staying out to see the stars
11 October 1999 -- Taking in the colors
14 August 2000 -- Listening to the same old sounds
24 February 2001 -- Appreciation of an insulated space
14 December 2001 -- A singular and empty silence
14 September 2002 -- That barren internal expanse
24 May 2003 -- A challenge, in the space beyond
5 August 2003 -- Approximations to the promised abode

• [1.1.2.1.2.1.2] An adaptive acceptance of the isolated state develops, so as to feel secure

30 April 1999 -- An adequate subsistence after dark
1 January 2000 -- The life I live best
16 March 2000 -- A time for endurance
19 September 2000 -- Descent into darkness
25 January 2001 -- The weight of emptiness
23 March 2001 -- A most sufficient setting
26 June 2001 -- Options for a tired man
23 October 2001 -- Consolation in the silence
26 February 2002 -- The arrival of a change
1 August 2002 -- Revelling in the emptiness
21 December 2002 -- These curious communities
24 November 2003 -- The quest towards the higher
 
• [1.1.2.1.2.2] There is a soothing peace in moments of solitude when joining in seems so hard
 
• [1.1.2.1.2.2.1] The struggle can cause such exhaustion and discouragement that time alone is the preferred option

 
23 February 1998 -- Temporarily poor in spirit
15 November 1999 -- Free of ties that bind
6 May 2000 -- Just being myself today
23 June 2000 -- Settling for the predictable
20 March 2001 -- Laboring to be still
20 July 2001 -- A minimum of contact
1 August 2001 -- A separate and empty place
9 September 2001 -- Only an approximation
31 October 2001 -- An evaluation while at rest
27 December 2001 -- Efforts toward the illusion
24 June 2002 -- Getting what I can
25 November 2002 -- Opting to lay low for now
23 April 2003 -- A simple pursuit of rest
17 January 2004 -- The reality of the incorporated
 
• [1.1.2.1.2.2.2] Staying hidden is often a deliberate personal choice, one demanding accountability
 
4 April 1998 -- A rainy day indoors
23 August 1999 -- A vast and open space within
25 October 2000 -- A featureless fantasy
28 December 2000 -- A predictably stable shelter
16 February 2001 -- Further success in my concealment
29 May 2001 -- The provisions of my hideaway
7 July 2003 -- An ungainly personal mechanism
30 December 2003 -- A vigilant sleepiness
 
• [1.1.2.2] There are varying degrees of predisposition and capability to seek and endure social contact

 
• [1.1.2.2.1] Excessive sensitivity to pain and failure, both real and imagined, can be a deterrent

 
• [1.1.2.2.1.1] This does not appear to be a critical weakness to the greater bulk of society
 
28 June 1998 -- The mystery of the "normal"
3 September 1998 -- Behind the defenses, peering out
11 June 1999 -- Shielded in the darkness of the valley
27 October 1999 -- Cutting my losses
21 August 2001 -- Working within limitations
22 April 2002 -- An assessment of endowment
 
• [1.1.2.2.1.2] Certain concessions must be made in the interest of one's survival and mental health
 
10 February 1998 -- Maintaining the exterior
16 August 1999 -- Gazing down familiar pathways
12 January 2000 -- Establishing some controls
30 August 2000 -- An absence of immediate plans
 
• [1.1.2.2.2] Social participation can be an inefficient, costly effort, with low apparent return on investment
 
4 June 1998 -- Looking myself over
19 July 1998 -- An end to trying, for today
9 November 1998 -- Trying to appreciate the ordinary
17 January 1999 -- Too bright to look outside
8 November 1999 -- No more work for today
21 December 1999 --Preferences in comfort
28 September 2002 -- Designs and their limits
 
• [1.2] Change is far too continuous

 
30 September 1997 -- The stream continues to flow past
3 November 1997 -- The snow quietly falls
31 March 1998 -- Familiar surroundings
12 June 1998 -- Appreciating "nothing to do"
 
• [1.3] Continuous fear and vigilance over unseen and imagined problems
 
• [1.3.1] The fear is recognizable, for the most part, as illusory and misplaced, yet not entirely dismissed

 
1 December 1997 -- Problems laying in wait
13 November 1998 -- Letting things come to rest
15 December 1998 -- Deciding at last to let go
26 June 1999 -- A careful journey, over the ridge
2 May 2000 -- A time amid the overgrowth
15 November 2000 -- A single, resourceful adversary
6 June 2001 -- That tiresome single circuit
16 November 2001 -- An unremarkable moment
 
• [1.3.2] Eventually, the thoughts of danger become too much, and escape is the stopgap cure
 
• [1.3.2.1] A certain quantity of such time alone need not, in itself, be bad (e.g., "charging one's batteries")

 
20 June 1998 -- An oppressive environment
2 August 1999 -- Another idle moment
23 October 1999 -- That ever-present voice
26 August 2000 -- The work of being idle
27 November 2000 -- A deliberate entry into darkness
17 December 2000 -- Reality's necessary counterpart
20 February 2001 -- Accomplishment in the silence
19 June 2002 -- Activity in the worlds within
30 November 2002 -- There is but one man here
 
• [1.3.2.2] Even those city-dwellers who are not "weak" must accept some amount of stress and anguish

 
21 August 1997 -- On guard against the unknown
22 March 1999 -- Trying my best to be still
5 December 1999 -- The hazards that lie ahead
6 July 2000 -- A temporary excess of concern